i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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