Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
