The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
