If i come over, it means nothing
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
