I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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