I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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