yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
