Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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