i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize