The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
