drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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