The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
