Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
