ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
