Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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