Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Randomize