spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
