I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
