just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My life is pants optional.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
