I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
