I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
