nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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