you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Can I color on your dick again?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
