no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am midnight drunk by noon
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
