Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
