No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
