She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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