I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
