bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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