Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
