put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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