is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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