I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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