I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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