I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Randomize