i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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