I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
