Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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