I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
