have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize