I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
This house was built for laser tag.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
