Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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