Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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