Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
