Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize