do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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