i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
