What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
