i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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