i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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