Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
