My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
