Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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