He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
