also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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