ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
