Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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