Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My pussy is not your playground.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
