I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
