He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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