Christians are straight up FREAKS
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
