I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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