Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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