I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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