It's like God shit irony all over that family
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
