Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
