this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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