when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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