I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
