I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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