The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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