talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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