it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
