My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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