i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Two words: blizzard sex
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize