dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
