He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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