the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
