clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
