how hairy? two words: wookie tits
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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