Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
