Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
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