I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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