I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
